Living in the Comfort Zone: The Gift of Boundaries in Relationships by Rokelle Lerner

Author:Rokelle Lerner [Rokelle Lerner]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-10-09T04:22:00+00:00

Suggestions for Boundary Intruders

1. Learn to notice your feelings of hurt and anxiety that precede your desire to intrude someone else's space.

2. Learn to manage your anxiety by meditation, relaxation, exercise, getting support from friends.

3. Start with your family and set limits with them when necessary.

4. When fear of abandonment begins, be aware of when you leave your comfort zone. Learn to gauge this by tuning into your breath, your abdomen, your temperature and the intensity of your resentment or terror. If you're holding your breath or hyperventilating, if your gut is tight or you have stomach pain or diarrhea, if your face is getting hot or your hands are turning cold, if you feel your anxiety when you take a deep breath, then you need to take time out. Pull back and respond in ways that are congruent with the wisdom of your body.

5. Notice the non-verbal cues of others and notice what happens to others when you come too close.

6. If you're in doubt about others' cues when you move toward them, you can ask the person you're with or get feedback from someone who is safe.

7. We must all face a spiritual void sometime in our lives. When we approach this emptiness, sometimes we charge ahead into another's space to counter our terrifying loneliness. When this emptiness occurs, it's helpful to seek out a spiritual advisor who can provide guidance and comfort. The longer we avoid the void, the more desperately we will turn to others who we think can fill our emptiness.

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